But I’m not wearing one of those Warm-Up Suits

I’ve decided to leave the world of the adjunct instructor and seek career satisfaction in the sports world as the “Official Team Grammarian”.

I’m going to put together a resume and cover letter; I’ll send it to team owners across the country. Since the NBA season is about to kick off,  I’ll start my career with a team in that league.

This all came about last night as I listened to interview clips from several prominent NBA players. I was relaxing after teaching college English classes for over eight hours, and I think I was extremely sensitive to the players’ verbal mistakes.

So I thought, I should be the Team Grammarian. We’ll start out with intensive sessions at the beginning of the season to prepare players for early season interviews. It will go something like this:

Coach: “Okay, Johnny, after strength training, you’re doing a one-on-one subject verb agreement with the Grammar Coach.”

And

Me (conducting a mock interview): “Tell me what you hope for this season, Ben.”

Ben: “I hope to win a championship for my team and myself, oh I mean my team and me.”

Me: “High five and a gold star! You’re making improvements!”

As the season progresses, we’ll work on grammar issues that may occur in the locker room or on the court. We’ll cover sophisticated ways to deal with disappointment or disgust with another player or referee.

Once the team reaches the play-offs, we’ll talk about concise speech and using more exact words to convey the team’s goals for the games. We’ll eliminate phrases like “I’m playing within myself” and “at the end of the day” and work towards showing excitement and passion for the game with stronger verbs and phrases.

The team I work for will become grammar champions. They will be respected on and off the court; they will be ambassadors for correct speech all over the world.

I’d better get to work on that cover letter…

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~ by hannahcsykes on October 27, 2010.

One Response to “But I’m not wearing one of those Warm-Up Suits”

  1. Love it! It’s a service that’s definitely needed in the sports world. 😉

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